Dating Dos and Don'ts: How to Avoid Dating Disasters

I came across this great article at lds.org and wanted to share a few things I found!  Dating can be the time of your life, a great way to make friends, and a positive and fun way to find out your preferences for your future eternal companion.  But sometimes, dating can lead to heartbreak and more trouble than we think it's worth.  Here are some ways to avoid that heartbreak and become a pro at dating!

For those of you in your teen years:

“1.    There are two kinds of dating.

·      Casual Dating. With casual dating, there is no exclusivity. The two people aren’t “a couple” or “an item,” and they don’t refer to each other as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” They don’t pair off. People who are casually dating are simply friends. This is the kind of dating the Church encourages you to do after you turn 16. You should put aside a need to find a “one and only.” If you’re dating casually, you don’t expect a relationship to become a romance. You have fun; you do a variety of things with a variety of people.

·      Steady Dating. On the other hand, steady dating means the couple is exclusive with one another. They expect each other not to date anyone else or to be emotionally or physically close with other people. Couples who date seriously consider the future, because there is a real possibility they could stay together. This is the kind of dating the Church encourages young adults (generally, people in their 20s) to progress toward, because that’s the age when they should be thinking of marrying.

President Hinckley said, “Steady dating at an early age leads so often to tragedy. Studies have shown that the longer a boy and girl date one another, the more likely they are to get into trouble. It is better … to date a variety of companions until you are ready to marry” (“A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth,” New Era, Jan. 2001, 13).

2.    Romantic relationships have two components: physical and emotional. 

·      Generally speaking, boys crave the physical part more than girls do, and girls crave the emotional part more than boys do. Because boys have less of a desire for emotional closeness, they are usually in control of how deep this aspect of the relationship will become. Likewise, because girls are less driven by a desire for a physical relationship, they are generally in control of how far that aspect of the relationship will go. Marriage is where these two components come together in more perfect harmony.

·      Often two teens (especially LDS youth who know the Lord’s commandments) will be tempted to become physical only if they’ve already established the kind of relationship that would permit it—one that has already reached a level of emotional connectedness and commitment.

After high school (and a mission, for a young man), if young adults become emotionally intimate and naturally desire physical intimacy, they are in a position to do something about it: they could get married. But if teens become emotionally intimate and naturally desire physical intimacy, they can’t do anything about it. They’re not in a position to marry, so they either break the law of chastity or break one another’s hearts by ending the relationship.”

For those of you in college:

I loved this comment on the article by Carlie Primrose E.:

"I am currently in college and this article has helped me a lot. In college we reach the point where it is okay to begin steady dating and that can be confusing because so much of the counsel given by church leaders talks about not steady dating. I have learned a lot of useful things from this article. Through personal experience I have seen that it is so fun to be friends and date a ton of people. I would also encourage everyone to NOT steady date before your mission. I have seen that this is so important. Prophets and apostles have said not to steady date until you are ready for marriage and that means wait until after your mission. One of the best advice I can give about dating, however, is to always always listen to the Spirit.  Sometimes it will tell you things you do not want to hear-follow its promptings, they will make life so much easier. If you always put Heavenly Father and what he wants first you can never fail."

Well said Carlie! :)

I hope these tidbits of information help you better navigate the dating world!  Don't hesitate to ask questions or ask for help if your find yourself in a tough spot.  Your parents, friends, and leaders all love you very much!  You have people here to help you.  There is no need to suffer alone in silence.  We're here for you.

 

Happy dating!

*For those of you who want a link to the original article, here it is:

https://www.lds.org/youth/article/unsteady-dating?lang=eng